Change Your Mind
When was the last time you changed your mind?
Maybe it was in deciding what to wear this morning or deciding to stay home instead of meeting friends.
Maybe it was something seemingly more impactful like moving in the direction of a new career or purchasing a new home.
Whatever the chosen change, it is good to be able to change your mind. Actually, change is one of the best things for us. Change keeps us challenged, helps us realize different kinds of potential, and flexes our brain’s ability to be maleable and develop new pathways (neuroplasticity). It is the first step of any individual improvement. Our ability to change is what has allowed human beings to progress into what we are today.
But it’s just as easy to get stuck in the negative emotions around altering a decision.
Doubts about the decision made.
Feelings of shame or embarrassment about the change.
Feeling unreliable.
All of these feelings have a common denominator: fear of the unknown.
The unknown can be seen through the lens of curiosity and wonder and amazement, resulting in a positive experience and heightened awareness.
Just as quickly, and with greater ease, the unknown can be seen through eyes of judgement: unworthiness.
Unworthiness can take on many forms — fear of shame, fear of failure, arrogance/hubris, etc. — and does little to serve us.
It may feel unavoidable at times, but doesn’t everything have a piece of the unknown in it?
The most destructive side of fear of the unknown is becoming your ideas.
We tend to become our ideas in order to avoid what we can achieve and what we desire — it’s a limit on your individual potential. It’s the easiest way to look at an unknown future, opt out, and guarantee the continued status quo. After all, the end result becomes known: nothing changes.
Here are some examples of becoming your ideas:
I’m not flexible, my body just can’t do that.
I’m not a good enough musician to release music.
Why would anyone be interested in my writing or perspective.
I’ve always been socially awkward and weird around people.
I didn’t go to high school/college so I’m not smart.
These kinds of ideas have a way of dragging you into a void that’s really difficult to get out of. One idea leads to another and all of a sudden there is little reason to move forward.
But there are things you can do to change this harsh critic into a more curious, adaptable being.
Here are a few useful practices to help change your mind.
CHALLENGE YOUR COMFORT ZONE
The first step to any change is to step out of what you already know and into the unknown. A step into discomfort is an opportunity to feel and discover something new. Allowing yourself to be vulnerable makes it easier for others to reach out and build a new connection. It reignites the desire to learn and explore, something all too many of us lose in the storm of life.
Discomfort offers glimpses into who you can be. It reaches into the recesses and pulls up the things you thought impossible or unattainable. Then the feeling becomes infectious - for yourself and others.
I have a morning ritual that involves a cold rinse for a minimum of 2 minutes. There are mornings when I look at that cold water and almost hate it. My skin begins to react to the cold droplets hitting it and my brain says “damn, that’s cold.” So I step in. I slow my breathing. I accept the cold. And the discomfort slowly dissolves. The icy cold becomes familiar.
A discomfort ritual to start the day. But this doesn’t have to be limited to physical discomfort.
Talk to someone new, even if it’s just to compliment them.
Start practicing that skill you’ve wanted to work on (guitar, drawing, writing, reading, meditating, etc.).
Buy something you’ve never bought before.
Take in new (read: not typical) information.
Dance!
2. TURN UP — SHOW UP
Once you’ve step out of your comfort zone, begin to hold yourself accountable. Don’t accept the many excuses the mind
provides and focus on the way you feel once you’ve completed something.
Go to the gym even when you’re feeling lazy. How do you feel after your workout?
Practice new skill when you’d rather not. What are your thoughts after completing your commitment?
Offer someone a compliment when you’d rather not reach out. How did that act of giving feel?
Accountability is one of the best confidence builders. It builds a natural desire for accomplishment that fuels an ongoing goal-setting, goal-completing cycle. The more you perform the task, the more you’ll want to perform it again. It’s the beginning of a habit or ritual.
This is also where you can begin to reflect on the limiting ideas that exist. In the moment you don’t want to go to the gym ask yourself — why don’t I want to go? Maybe it’s because you don’t want others to see you exercising. Or it might be that you don’t think there is enough time. Asking yourself why you don’t want to do something may offer greater insight into the ideas and thought patterns you’re looking to change.
3. FIND YOUR ANCHOR
Having an anchor offers grounding when you need it. It can be a person you call or a thought you have that takes you away
from any of the negative thoughts/patterns. It’s kind of a safe space when you’re feeling unbalanced or thrown off.
My anchor is one of absurdity. Whenever I’m caught up in thoughts of unworthiness I think about the fact that we’re on a rock that’s flying through space. This rock can be hit by another rock at any point in time, and this would bring an end to what I know as my world (as well as everyone else’s world). But while this rock floats through space I have the opportunity and privilege to love my friends, family, and self, while growing my capacity for thought, wonder, and connection.
My parents are a great example of individuals who continually challenge their comfort zone. As immigrants, they came to the United States with very little understanding of the country and its language. But they also came with buckets full of hope.
They used music, movies, and personal interactions as ways to continue learning English. Their curiosity and willingness to learn was rewarded with connection and opportunity.
But they didn’t just accept the success, pass the torch, and fall into complacency. Instead, my parents continue to show up and develop their English-language skills. My sister and I have been asked multiple times to continue correcting them because it’s the only way they’ll learn certain linguistic phrasings or idioms. And this desire to learn has rewarded them with the confidence to approach any subject and discuss it in their second language.
Now I have the pleasure of listening to my mother and father stand up for themselves in their non-native tongue. They continue to make mistakes and correct those mistakes. All in an attempt to communicate more freely and confidently.
And they continue to anchor one another because they’ve never stopped enjoying the challenges they face together.
Whenever you’re feeling stuck or stagnant or bored — make a change to your day.
Whenever the comfort zone calls with all its couches and snacks and loneliness — make a change to your day.
Change and challenge your mind. Offer yourself a bit of excitement each day.
And think about this giant, moving rock spinning through space and the countless opportunities and possibilities it offers.
For all the unknowns that plague us, there is a cherished known:
Life is for the living.
