Wretched Resolutions

Four weeks into the New Year is a great time to check in on Your resolution.

• Is it easy to focus on and work toward Your resolution?

• Has it felt good to work on it or is there resistance?

• Does the challenge You’re facing ever feel overwhelming, maybe impossible?

The beginning of any change is the creation of new relationships.
It involves restructuring a piece of Your world and actively returning to nurture the change into habit.

And the way You relate to the task sets the tone for the entire accomplishment.

Martin Buber wrote a wonderful book called I and Thou (read: I and You), and in it he highlights the two major types of relationships human beings make use of:

• I/IT - Subject/Object (Unidirectional)

• I/THOU - Subject/Subject (Reciprocal)

Each one comes with a different kind of potential.

You navigate the world through Your senses (I-It relationships).
The majority of Your daily life is consumed by I-It relationships that help gather knowledge to understand the world.
That knowledge is then taken and applied to relationships with other humans (I-It relationship).

But sometimes You see the other person in front of you as a whole being (I-Thou).
You recognize them as an equal (I-Thou).

It is very easy to get caught up in the simplicity of I-It relationships and allow them to run ALL potential relationships in Your life. But this will prevent depth and nuance from entering any/all future interpersonal relationships.

I-Thou relationships require much more of us.
It is an effort to explore and understand things larger than self.
To search Your self through others, and see others through Your self.
Most importantly, it is an active decision to relate in a certain way.

We have the ability to choose how we want to see others and which relationships are deserving of our time.
Just the same, Your relationship with the goal You’d like to achieve directly influences how You feel and accomplish it.

If each trip to the gym is a battle, then the entire process will feed the feeling of war.
If the achievement is always in the distance and only reached at the very end, then the endless journey continues and staying motivated may become a challenge.
If the resolution reaches into feelings of unworthiness, then overwhelm will take the task and build walls of impossibility.

Someone like David Goggins finds toughness and drive to be great tools for accomplishment.
And Goggins has a resume to match.
He is an endurance athlete who has completed some of the most brutal races.
He also holds the Guinness World Record for number of pull ups completed in 24 hours — 4,030
But this style of training is what Goggins knows as a retired Navy SEAL.
He’s a great example of the extremes some are willing to face.

But not everyone will find a relentless, unforgiving attitude as the best motivator.
Some require kindness to find the relationship that’s right for the goal.

Can You be a David Goggins? Yes, absolutely.
Is it just a matter of setting a resolution and completing it? Absolutely not.

Training to be an endurance athlete involves body and mind preparation.
In order to get ready for something so difficult it is necessary to be able to relate to the goal. Without understanding the physical and mental demand, one cannot be ready.

So to move forward on a big goal it is best to break it down into many smaller goals.
The smaller steps are easier to follow and measure. And feeling progress feels good.
Each step is the beginning of a relationship that is nurtured in the direction of habit.

This allows You to learn something new, feel the progress and make any necessary adjustments, then form a habit once it’s familiar.
It also allows your brain and body to enjoy some success neurotransmitters: dopamine, endorphins, serotonin, and oxytocin.

And even Your relationship with each hormone can be considered and manipulated for best results.

Dopamine is that rush of pleasure You feel after buying all that new fitness equipment or signing up for a gym membership.
Spending money is fun and feels good. Focused on more short-term (pleasure-reward), dopamine may motivate You into addictive behavior (eating sugar, shopping, etc.).

Whereas serotonin’s presence is mainly in the gut and majorly focused on appetite, metabolism, and overall gut function (study, study).

This is an over-simplification of a complex system (dopamine and serotonin have their OWN relationship), but the relationship You have with these neurotransmitters may influence the next decision made.
If You tend to give in to pleasure and seek to spike dopamine instead of gradually investing in it, then waiting for any long-term effects will be difficult.
But, if your resolution is broken down into smaller steps with smaller releases of dopamine after each accomplished goal, then the body begins to develop a new relationship with the neurotransmitter.

Everything we do contains within it a myriad of relationships.
A better understanding of these relationships helps focus energy and intent.

As an example, I am learning how to do a ring muscle up this year.
This is a great challenge for me because there are many small steps I need to take before I can complete the resolution.
And these smaller steps highlight the necessary order to complete the resolution. Each step is a separate relationship.

• Train grip strength/new grip (false grip) — learn a new way to hold onto something

• As grip strength develops, increase wrist flexibility

• Once grip and wrist strength are increased, begin training core stability

• Finally, shoulder strength and stability will allow for the muscle up movement to be completed.

At no point may I skip a step.
Each part is integral to the whole, and without each step there is risk of injury or inability to complete.
And nurturing each step/relationship offers a timeline for completion — smaller habits coming together for the greater movement.

The average time it takes to form a habit is 66 days (depending on previous experience).
Taking tiny steps incorporates a bit of practice with pacing and patience, qualities that strengthen over time.
Imagine completing Step 1 out of 15 of your resolution, feeling some chemical success in dopamine, and patiently proceeding to Step 2.
This is why everything worth doing takes time.

After a few days of grip training I can feel what strength and flexibility is lacking in my wrists and hands.
It has yet to become a habitual movement because the muscle strength is still developing and the nervous system (somatic) is still becoming familiar with the new movement.
My nervous system is gradually learning and memorizing the movement.
It’s working on and slowly building the muscle memory relationship.
AGAIN, I have to be patient. I have to be kind to my body and take the proper steps to prevent injury and enjoy success.

Using this tactic of smaller goals also creates a cushion in case something changes or doesn’t go your way.
Even if You don’t make it to Your resolution, You will have accomplished a long list of goals.
Many of which are the beginnings of new habits.
And changing Your mind about a resolution looks a lot different once You’ve completed a laundry list of tasks and formulated new relationships, only to realize the resolution isn’t worth the time or effort or risk.

I might work my way up to the shoulder part of my muscle up journey only to discover that my shoulder is unable to complete the task. Then I will be faced with a new goal - unlock shoulder issue that limits my abilities - and the journey of goal setting begins again.

Most importantly, the incomplete resolution does not translate into failure.

• It is the accomplishment of many smaller, useful goals

• Realization of inability/individual limitation

• Refocusing to continue growing
  

If my shoulder is the limiting factor then the goal temporarily shifts to rehabilitating the shoulder.
Then, in the future, the ring muscle up can be reconsidered.

Resolutions may be a fun way to think about Your potential and what may be accomplished in the coming year, but the actions necessary are much different.

• Take Your resolution and tear it apart into its main components.

• Each component is a relationships that needs a certain kind of attention.

• Take Your time and be patient when forming habits from these relationships.

• Enjoy the rewards offered by the body.

• Keep growing. Stay wild.