Emotion Potion
The ways of relating to the outside world take form from within. The inner monologue and multi-faceted ways of synthesizing information open a wild sphere of possibility. Toss in emotion and things begin to look very messy. But what is viewed as messy is simply something not actively controlled. It exists without perimeters and may easily venture into annoyance or overwhelm. A solid intrapersonal foundation can infuse power and control into what used to feel chaotic and random.
It’s good to begin with what every individual DOES have control over: your self.
And now what every individual DOES NOT have control over: everything else.
This helps develop greater acceptance and understanding of the different struggles throughout the world. To see that specific circumstances may differ but the root of each struggle reaches for the same harsh truth — To be alive is to interact with the world, and those interactions result in all sorts of relationships.
Including, most importantly, the internal relationship we find reflected back at us.
It’s easy to get caught in the right vs. left brain conversation and dismiss particular abilities as not relatable. Observing a level-headed friend and thinking well she’s so logical and I’m more emotional is an easy way to justify why change isn’t required. It’s acceptance of something malleable as rigid. The making of a choice into an unshakable truth.
That’s one way to live.
Another way — work on emotional intelligence.
Emotion is the first tool used to relate to others and self. Establishing control over emotion is the first step to increase self-awareness and gain agency over reactivity.
In the presence of emotional intelligence there is discipline and thoughts are clear. A balance is struck between speaking and listening. It’s a state of exchange intent on learning.
A common trap is to direct emotional skills outward and not apply the same concept inward. It’s easier to help others rather than help ourselves. There is little guilt in punching yourself. Maybe you deserve it. Might deserve even worse. But what motivation can be found in this system of personal punishment? Does it help progress or growth? Does it achieve anything you’ve set out to accomplish?
Not one bit. But it’s what happens when emotion takes control and goes unchecked. Unbalanced. Unnoticed.
Without a doubt a laundry list of techniques exist to address this issue, but the simpler the concept the better. Its applicability cannot be avoided once its efficacy is felt, though it may initially be followed with a snarky obviously or DUH. Sometimes what is directly in front of us is exactly what we are intent on avoiding. But the courage to face the unknown terror will result in reward.
Emotion Regulation Technique — Anywhere a deep breath and slow exhale is appropriate, take one — try 4-sided breath.
When feeling ANY emotional reaction take a moment and stop what you’re doing.
Isolate the emotion and put a name to it (i.e. rage, fear, sadness, etc.).
Accept the identified emotion and acknowledge that what you’re feeling is alright.
I’m feeling rage and that’s alright.
I’m feeling fear and that’s alright.
Acknowledge that the emotion you’re feeling is not a result of what’s happening, but a choice you’re making.
I’m feeling rage and it’s not because I didn’t get the job, it’s because I choose to.
I’m feeling fear and it’s not because of what my partner did, it’s because I choose to.
Now begin to focus on the desired emotion, if an emotion is necessary (sometimes a logical thought is all that’s required).
When I think about not getting the job I choose to feel acceptance.
When I think about what my partner did I choose to feel understanding.
Once emotion becomes a choice instead of an unchecked reaction, conversations open up and the true issue may be resolved.
If you’re feeling anxious all day and there is an idea floating around in your head, this step back will permit the lingering anxiety to dissipate and a thoughtful reflection to flourish. It will hush the screaming emotion that thinks it’s helping and allow a moment of clarity.
When there is a misunderstanding between your partner and yourself, emotion may cloud the compassion needed to recognize where something went wrong. Isolating the feeling and gaining control over it allows problem-solving and empathy to be part of the conversation.
Naturally, a different emotion will begin to associate because a sense of control will bloom. There is a choice being made.
Control over emotion will open new possibilities of understanding and influencing others. It will build self-confidence, self-discipline, and resilience in a world of constant testing. And these self-awarenesses will help motivation, empathy, and social skills, thrive.
Results will be felt both internally and externally.
The familiar, deprecating voice may begin to quiet. The effects someone’s judgement used to carry will pale in comparison to the empathy felt for misdirected insecurities. Or the people in your life will feel a positive change and follow this new attraction.
The force that is I will grow. And it plants the seed for another to blossom: the force that is we.
Still not into it?? Try this…
